The Mysterious Bartender

The new bartender was tall and handsome, but there was something very mysterious about him too. Many times I saw him watching her out of the corner of his eye as she bent over the fire. "What are you doing?" he asked.

She appeared out of sorts. "My boyfriend left me and I'm debating jumping in the fire."

The bartender sighed, "It's a fake fireplace, Miss."

"Oh," she said with a face so pitiful.

"Come with me" said the bartender with a warm smile, "I'll buy you a drink."

"Make it a large one," she said.

"No problem," he said, "I can make it as large as you like."

She smiled to him sweetly and felt relieved somehow. When he handed her the drink she was surprised with what he gave. It's a cupcake! She hadn't had a cupcake since her seventh birthday party. She remembered that party well because that was the year grandma had taken the "pin the tail on the donkey" game too literal and brought a LIVE donkey to the party.

But something else reminded her of that day. It was a faint scent of vanilla. When she was younger, her mother used to let her lick the beaters when they made vanilla cupcakes. And then they used to place a paper doily over the top and sprinkle icing sugar over the light brown surface of the cupcakes. Maybe she would make some for old-times-sake this weekend. But then she remembered her boyfriend, or her not-boyfriend, and a tear finally made its way down her cheek. We had vanilla scented candles in the house all the time. Sometimes she even put some vanilla into her bath because it helped with her acne, at least it helped with some skin imperfections.

Now what to do she thought as she stepped out of the bath and smeared icing on her face, while enjoying the icing licked off by her chihuahua Sparky. Sparky loved cake icing and pickles, but hated her acne.

She wept, but then she realized that the bartender was silently staring at her as if he wanted to tell her something. When suddenly the door was jerked open and in walked her boyfriend who looked at her, the bartender and the cupcake and fell to his knees. Luckily, the bartender was actually there trying to get her mind off her troubles. He mumbled something as the boyfriend approached. The boyfriend said, "Hey, do you know where my basketball jersey is? I left it at your house two weeks ago."

The girl looked to him, then said, "Basket ball jersey? I haven't the foggiest. Furthermore, I could care freaking less. Perhaps you used it lieu of TOP. Who knows? I don't maybe you need to contact someone who gives a damn. Now, is that all you came here for or do you just enjoy cupcakes." As he thought about his answer little Sparky started to licking cupcake icing?

Her boyfriend looked down at his jeans and realized the cupcake paper was stuck to his knee. And Sparky her chihuahua was licking what remained of the mashed cupcake off of the denim and before he could pull his leg away, Sparky peed on his leg.

The Sheriff of the village was walking in as Sparky peed. I'll put him out of our misery. First I'll finish off that last cupcake if no one else wants it. I just love 'em. When I was a boy my momma would always let me have a cupcake after I let our dog Fido pee. Of course, that meant walking him in three feet of snow and having to clear a spot in the snow for him to pee.

And the room came to a dead silence for there was a loud noise that came from the direction of the bar. "Damn it," the bartender hollered just after the crashing noise. Everyone looked over at the bar. The bartender was covered in icing and smelled of Cointreau. "This is the third time this month that someone switched the blender top with the tip jar," he said in a very annoyed manner. The tip jar and blender top look almost identical an it does fit on the blender, but when you start the blender the contents explode right out because the lid doesn't fit properly.

The sheriff and everyone else started laughing at the sight of the bartender covered in white-orange smelly icing. "Well Cupcake," the sheriff said (referring to the bartender). "How about a very dry Martini -- Stirred not shaken!"

"Cupcake? That one better not stick," the bartender said even more annoyed.

"Too late," said the Sheriff. "Looks like you're stuck with it, literally."

Reaching for the gin and vermouth to fill the sheriff's martini order, Cupcake happened to accidentally shoot the dog. Instead of blood, strawberry jelly came out of Sparky and a huge bubble gum hanged on the gun. The bartender fainted.

But we all know bartenders never faint because they have seen everything possible. Cupcake actually slipped on the spilled icing which resulted in the Sheriff's martini being shaken instead of stirred. So it was back to the drawing board, and remix the martini. Cupcake thought to himself, "What kind of place is this. I'm new here and we have had a bake off, exploding blenders, drunken Sheriffs, and jelly-filled mutts and there's still two hours before Happy Hour starts. Well, if you can't beat em ..."

Cupcake reached for a big brown bottle of Kahlua and a bottle of Stoli. The perfect ingredients for a Black Russian. He knew that a tall one would put him in the proper mood to clean up the bar, go after the girl, teach the not-so-much-boyfriend a lesson, and get Sparky a bath. Of course, there was just one problem - who would look after the bar. Surely he couldn't ask Sparky to watch the bar.

Sparky pointed out the a black Russian with Smirnoff or Ketel One beats Stoli hands down. He called the owner. Sparky said, "The bartender left for a threesome and I got shot. Who should take over?" The owner answered, "Whoa, whoa, slow down, let me get this straight." Oh forget it there's no way to get this story straight, someone get me a drink??? Please. The owner answered, "Bud Weiser should take over with a round of Smirnoff for all so that when Sandee gets back from the boat party we'll all be intoxicated and have an excuse for not keeping this story on track."

After Sparky went off to the vet. The bartender and the woman returned. "I'm back! Who drank all the Smirnoff? And the Godiva is gone, too." The old man in whiskers smiled. He said, "That Pencil Skirt woman took the Godiva and ran but I have something even better." It was a fresh fruit salad. The old man said to the bartender, "You are supposed to be mysterious. Sandee said so. The only thing mysterious, is what happened when you left with the idiot woman, who thought that was a real fireplace, and her boyfriend go off to?"

The bartender smirked and said, "You will not believe it! We met at the Blogger Cafe and had a great meal while we laughed at all the great comments on Sandee's blog."

The old man, confused, asked, "Sandee? Now just who is this Sandee?", to which the bartender replied, "Last call is over, everybody. We serve booze not breakfast so knock 'em back." The tall, dark, handsome, and mysterious bartender, now known as Cupcake, turned away to rinse out his shot glass and other utensils. As he did this, a glowing aura seemed to surround him. Everyone in the room noticed the aura and watched in awe as the bartender seemed to transform right before their eyes.

The Bartender laughed a wicked laugh as he continued to transform and said, "I'm really Foxxfyrre the Meme Thief Of Bloggingham. I have escaped the perils of the dungeon. No ones memes are safe any more Bwahahahah!" The patrons watched as Foxxfyrre fled from behind the bar and disappeared in plain sight. And they trembled, for they knew that their treasured memes were safe no longer nor were their cupcakes! And they were now out of Smirnoff, Godiva and fruit salads. Luckily, Empress Bee makes a mean Peanut Butter Frosting Cake! She promised she would bring them over as soon as all the lurkers commented on her blog.

Just then the emergency exit door opened revealing only a pair of red spiked heals and part of Mimi's leg. The Pencil Skirt had returned with The End. Or was it just the beginning? No one knows for sure except for Sandee, as she is the Story Game Madame.

The pencil skirt lady, who was known as the Queen of Meme's and also the holder of the dungeon key, was looking high and low for Foxxfyrre, for he had crossed the line. She had allowed him to evade all of the meme's in the blogosphere, but, now he had gone too far, and besides that, she had enjoyed the time Budweiser had shown her when he was temporarily tending bar.

All of a sudden there was the fresh scent of Vanilla, so fragrant that it filled everyone's senses, and also had a kick to it, leaving everyone in a foggy, stoned like state. Music was playing and so everyone started dancing or swaying, having a great time, not knowing exactly why, and then the back door to bar opened and in walked a man called Speedy. Speedy said, "I am very confused by all this verboseness. Besides, I kinda like all of the dancing and swaying. It reminds me of the time I went to a bar where a cat was the bartender."

What happened? Well, everyone got tipsy commenting on this story game and came up with whatever tickled their fancy. Exactly as it should be. The story isn't over. Tomorrow morning everyone is going to wake up with a hangover. Even Sparky will have a sugar hangover. Another great ending.

Contributing Authors (in order of appearance):

Ettarose of Sanity On Edge
Bud of WTIT Tape Radio: The Blog
A pot... a pot, a thought and a smidgen of dirt
Belle of Interstitial Life
Raphnix of Psychic Articles By Raphnix

Barb of WillThink4Wine
Lisa of "...All Things Work for Good..."
Anne of Small Town Mommy
Julia of A Piece of My Mind
Karen of My Funny Dad, Harry

Rhonda of Led Beside Still Waters
Paul of Pauls Health Blog
Empress Bee (of the High Sea) of Muffin 53
Mike of Rambling Stuff
Ivana of From Ohio with Love

Abelle of Only in Silence...
Clara of Coming Back to Life!
Jen of Redhead Ranting
The Pixie of Skunkfeathers
Jack of One Man's View from Lansing, KS

Matt of Matt-Speak
Furkidsmom of Friends FurEver
Arv of ...on the Wall
Mimi of Mimi Writes...
Frank of Foxxfyrre's Honk'n'Holl'r

Shoshana of Just Say These Words
Shelly of Wine at Five?
Dawn of Twisted Sister
Lynda of The Loft of Love by Lynda
Speedy (Eric) of Speedcat Hollydale Page
Gracie of Echos of Grace

A great big THANK YOU to everyone that contributed to The Mysterious Bartender. You are all awesome!